quick how do i lose 15lbs in a month without changing a single thing
My new oil business is a nonprofit but only because I’m not making any money and just buying yachts.
breaking: schrute farms has banned kanye, no beets for him.
The Hello Kitty exorcism kit includes my gullibility for being duped into buying her cute products again.
I’m old enough to remember the days of rolling blackouts. Admittedly, they were mostly caused by single malt, but still.
My wife said something about being interested in swinging, so last night I did a 55 minute PowerPoint presentation on all the info I found online.
Her: how about you just fix the kids swing in the backyard like I asked
The Tooth Fairy plants all of those teeth as evidence
An ad agency somewhere is about to get fired.
Tracklist for Donda 2
1. I hate Pete Davidson.
2. Did I mention that I hate Pete Davidson.
3. Cancel Pete.
4. I hope Pete Davidson has a really awful day.
5. I still hate Pete Davidson.
6. Kim come back.
7. I really hate someone with the initials P.D
“You wore that before.”
Yes, because I own a washing machine.
The TP factory remains safe, as the would-be theives were flushed out before they could wipe up the inventory.
my son the little archaeologist informed me that he could tell a remote control he found was ancient because it had a button for PS3
The “mommy” to “bro” pipeline is a steep and sudden drop.
imagining a gas station in the 1800s but it’s guys parking their horses as they eat some grain and the guys complain about the price of the grains
ME: I guess in a way I saved YOU.
PARAMEDICS: …