Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@hermanntrude: It's called quiche because "egg pie" sounds like something you'd look up on urban dictionary.

@squirrel74wkgn: *walks around revolving door for 3 hours while staring down at phone*

@TweetPotato314: me: *responds maybe to a fb event*

wife: [from the other room] YOU’RE GOING TO OUR SON’S BIRTHDAY

@funflaps: Guitar dude: here's wonderwall
Clumsy dude: here's blunderwall
Pirate dude: here's plunderwall
Thor dude: here's thunderwall
Store dude: here's refunderwall
Escaping dude: here's underwall
Blue dude: here's undertheweatherwall

@MarfSalvador: [repeatedly mashing elevator button]

him: you know that doesn't make it come any quicker

[starts licking elevator button]

@CaucasianJames: u know that video of lions hugging that man after seeing him for the first time in several years. that’s what the raccoons do whenever i visit the dumpster behind my college dorm

@: There is no real comfortable way to explain to your gynecologist that it's your feet that smell.

@: Hallmark might want to re-think their font

@turtledumplin: My kids seem to remember everything they ever wanted to tell me whenever I'm in the bathroom with the door shut.