@BoogTweets: Me: how much for the horse kabobs
Ride operator: it’s a carousel
@mommajessiec: I thought I was a decent driver, but while I was driving my 7-year-old comforted her crying baby sister by saying, “Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it.”
@afiercemind: Husband: *trying to thread a needle with far too thick string
Me: That’s not gonna fit, it’s way too big.
H: You’ve said that before, but I have a 7 year old who proves otherwise.
7: You guys are being weird again.
@IamJackBoot: Time traveler from the past: *disgusted* You haven't ended hunger or war or poverty but you have a phone in your pocket with a camera?
Me: No... it has two cameras.
@InternetHippo: "This bacteria can live dormant in your body for decades" big deal buddy that's what I'm doing too
@insanelynormal1: Don’t allow people to drive you crazy if there is a liquor store in walking distance.
@sophielou: [Toddler scream crying at the top of his lungs in Target]
@heyitsJudeD: Him: *gets the handcuffs out*
Me: mmm, have I been naughty? *slow wink*
Cop: we'll let the judge decide, eh?
@andlikelaura: [harry potter at an interview]
interviewer: it says here you found & destroyed seven horcuxes
harry: that’s correct, sir
interviewer: but no experience creating a powerpoint presentation, wow