Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

@BoogTweets: Me: how much for the horse kabobs

Ride operator: it’s a carousel

@mommajessiec: I thought I was a decent driver, but while I was driving my 7-year-old comforted her crying baby sister by saying, “Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it.”

@afiercemind: Husband: *trying to thread a needle with far too thick string

Me: That’s not gonna fit, it’s way too big.

H: You’ve said that before, but I have a 7 year old who proves otherwise.

Me: *giggles

7: You guys are being weird again.

@IamJackBoot: Time traveler from the past: *disgusted* You haven't ended hunger or war or poverty but you have a phone in your pocket with a camera?

Me: No... it has two cameras.

@InternetHippo: "This bacteria can live dormant in your body for decades" big deal buddy that's what I'm doing too

@TheAlexNevil: Magician: For my next trick—

@insanelynormal1: Don’t allow people to drive you crazy if there is a liquor store in walking distance.

@sophielou: [Toddler scream crying at the top of his lungs in Target]
Me (yelling):

@heyitsJudeD: Him: *gets the handcuffs out*

Me: mmm, have I been naughty? *slow wink*

Cop: we'll let the judge decide, eh?

@andlikelaura: [harry potter at an interview]

interviewer: it says here you found & destroyed seven horcuxes

harry: that’s correct, sir

interviewer: but no experience creating a powerpoint presentation, wow