@writeden
If you’re reading this, un-banana your spine.
@House_Feminist
I put the clean laundry pile on my bed so I’d be motivated to fold it and have a place to sleep. So after a few nights sleeping on the couch I started scooping all the laundry up in my quilt, setting it on the floor, then putting it back on the bed in the morning.
@MumInBits
Me: goodnight sweetheart
9: mummy!
Me: is it important
9: YES
Me: what’s up
9: do you think someone could live if they had organs and a skull but no other bones
@thequeensheart
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and realize half way through that you’re going to need crayons to explain it to them?
@karanbirtinna
In case you’re wondering if humans will be able to overcome the virus, remember we are talking about the species that presses harder on the remote control buttons when the battery is dead.
@Froschauer_AF
Our family has a tradition of opening presents on live video so the kids can be disappointed in real time.
@drinksmcgee
These bats are posed like an early 1980s Goth band.
@threetimedaddy
Why aren’t there any horror movies called “My 4 year old fell asleep in the car at 5pm”
@HaliPhacks
*pronounces UPS like yoops
@LostFelicia
I prefer to dance when someone is watching, you know, in case I need medical attention.