u can always tell when a man is dating someone new. why you going to aquarium and griffith observatory
My doctor says I’ve got to give up poorly thought out fruit-based jokes.
I was peachless when he told me.
I ate a bag of Doritos and immediately followed it with half a giant bag of gummy bears and surprisingly enough I do not feel good now
Is no one else a little relieved the affair was with a person
Buying houses is mental
Buy a car or a bag of chips, the price is defined
Buy a house, you have to guess how much the owner wants
Not allowed to speak to the owner
Instead you have to go via a 19 year old, in a Mini, who doesn’t live there and wants you to pay over the odds
Today the vet told me “you have a really good dog” and I said I know she’s perfect and holds my mental health on her little shoulders and she laughed nervously and said “oh no, that’s pretty heavy” and i was like damn dude, ok??? you can tell, huh? Alright calm down lol geez
Heard there was a new crazy RFK Jr story and then looked it up and was like, “Oh. He just had an affair.”
That’s normal terrible rich guy shit. I thought I was gonna find out he tried to put a gorilla in a Han Solo carbonite machine or something.
the stuff you read about yourself once you hit a certain number of followers is crazy. CIA family, makes $10k/ month, was on Reddit, communist, conservative, white supremacist, Jewish, white, gay, straight, etc. all this from being really into pants.
My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”😭
I already know how it will end…
One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
I was an ugly baby.
It’s been downhill since then.
if you think my grammar is bad you should’ve met my grampar.