someone just dropped a glass at the hotel breakfast and three different people shouted “buddy!” at the same time. this city rules lol
If you give a mouse a cookie did you shriek and jump up on a chair first?
From my Mom
14 y.o.: OMG MOM!!!! Are you okay?!?! Do you need some water? Are you having a heart attack? Why does your face look like that?
⠀
Me: I’m not having a heart attack, I just ran for five minutes.
When my kids don’t feel well: You should drink water.
When I don’t feel well: I should eat chips.
Just expressed my displeasure by showing my husband the chewed up food in my mouth because apparently I’m 8 years old.🤦🏻♀️😂
Me: *body contorted into the most uncomfortable position known to humankind*
Every fitness instructor ever: Keep your core tight.
(Putting groceries away, my 7yr old starts shaking the root beer I’d bought with all her might)
Me: STOP! What are you doing?
7: Someone told me if you don’t shake it, it’ll explode when you open it.
Me: Honey, either you misunderstood or that person doesn’t like you very much.
If you walk through the store with a dried boogie on your nose people end conversations quicker
You can make approximately 225 circles in a roundabout before the cops show up
My boss gave me an assignment and told me to “give it the old college try”, so now I’m skipping class and doing a keg stand.
The neighbor heard me talking to myself so I had to pretend to be on the phone.. again
🎵 These cheese curds are beyond compare
I can watch the hockey there
I wear my toque and back bacon is keen
Eat Tim Horton’s with no cares
Share my french fries with some bears
But I cannot compete with you
Poutine
[dinner time]
ME: *puts baby in a lifeguard chair*
WIFE: not that high
Him: Let’s make another baby
Her: WTAF??
Him: Yes