Oh Good..the Cats replacement head is here
Can we skip the sex and go straight to the sandwich?
The only thing I’ve ever dropped at midnight is my standards.
so apparently if u donate a kidney ur a big hero but donate 9 kidneys and people get very upset
i think both sides are to blame here
neurosurgeon: *turning my head upside down to shake out a pebble*
friend: how’s the amazon job?
me: can’t complain
friend: what’s with the beeping collar?
me: *tearing up* can’t complain
I don’t think it’s real blood, it looks like red paint
-my kid, examining the plastic ax that came with his Halloween costume
Des Moines Police having a normal one
I had an uncle who died on a trampoline. What he was doing with a trampoline in the middle of the Vietnam War, I’ll never know.
Please sir. my nose. it is very runny.
Generic Tissue: don’t worry. i got half of this
Don’t be alarmed,
you’re not a clock.
Please let me in.. 😂
Sound on
you ever stop and think to yourself, “why am I reading the Wikipedia page for Whale Oil?”