Them: Anytime my friend!
Me: Ok, get your calendar out, I’m going to block out some times
ROBIN: sorry batman I put a huge dent in the batmobile
HARVEY: *from passenger seat* wow i’m on a diet ok
*i maintain solid eye contact with my boss, who is in the process of firing me for eating on the job, as i slowly pull out a chalupa from my coat pocket & begin eating it*
5 things I hate:
-complainers
-list makers
-hypocrites
-people who don’t finish what they start
went to a dinner last night and we are struggling
Sometimes I see an account celebrating big milestone after only 6 months on Twitter then I notice all their tweets are stolen and I get pissed that none of them are mine. Rude.
*gasps*
Ohhh sour Jesus.
The Real Housewives franchise would be better if the season troublemaker got thrown in a volcano
Aight bet
I napped the entire afternoon away.
I still feel like garbage but at least I’m well-rested garbage.
We’ve been having a problem here at work with guys spending too.much time in the restrooms. Not to get out if work but because the air conditioning in there is fantastic.
-tweet sent from stall #3
I feel bad when a fly gets into my house. I know that little guy is starving cause I ate and left no crumbs
Apparently I’ve reached the age where Grammy, Emmy and Oscar are merely other residents in the nursing home.
Yep, it’s true👇🏼😂😂😂
Two glasses of wine and ordering online groceries is essentially clubbing and the bouncer is whether or not I know my credit card expiration date without standing up