Birds are fed by their parents in their infancy. When the time comes to feed themselves, there can be some confusion when the food does not go into their mouth by itself.
Falling in love with some people is like hearing the theme music from Jaws, but diving in anyway, convinced you can change the shark
In English, a double negative forms a positive. in some languages, like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. In no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.
yeah…. right…
i like when people have names where clearly their parents couldn’t decide between two and they just have to live with Jennica
idk what this dog had been going through but same
me: just going to take off my hoodie.
shirt: me too.
me: no just the hoodie.
shirt: ok but also me too.
me: no.
belly button: hello! 🙂
The Flash is lucky because he can run real fast but also because he lives in a world where every problem can be solved by running real fast.
I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND RIGHT NOW, she screamed to the 2 liter bottle of club soda rolling around in the backseat.
I’m over here having to get my kids snacks and stressing about life yet my parents are just sitting in their house, retired.
My favorite part about playing video games with my kids is
WAIT WHICH GUY AM I
HOW DO I JUMP
WHAT’S HAPPENING
Ghost costume 😂
You eventually reach the age when bar hopping turns into let’s stay here because it’s not that noisy and the bathroom is clean.
Cop: License and registration
Me: Sure. *opens glove compartment; twenty eight packs of expired ketchup, three pairs of sunglasses and the Crown Jewels of Ireland fall out* Sorry. Just a sec
I need a way to roll up a car window between me and a person talking to me when I’m not in a car
When I put my mind to something I can procrastinate about anything.