A parent’s autobiography called “But I Just Sat Back Down” and all the chapters start with “Ugh.”
normalize having existential bread
I used to think Ol’ Yeller was a book about my stepdad.
all toddlers look the same when telling a story
Day 4. They suspect nothing.
My brain: Don’t worry. I’ll remember.
[1 MINUTE LATER]
My brain: So you’re not going to believe this…
Today, whilst out shopping, I tried on a beautiful jacket. It was the jacket of a customer trying on another jacket and now I can never go shopping again.
It was when he said no nunchucks in the kitchen that I knew our relationship was doomed
I feel so stupid — I just today learned that Stephen King and Burger King are brothers.
once I asked my parents if they had any ghost stories, and my mom was like “well, we used to live in a farmhouse with a faucet that always leaked.” and then my dad said “one time I saw the devil”
*in bed*
me: finally sweet sweet sleep
brain: i wonder what it would feel like to lay an egg