Coworker – Have you ever gotten Covid?
Me – Does my gut look like I’ve ever lost the sense of taste or smell?
My doctor told me to get my affairs in order so I bought an epilator. I’ve got this.
Needed 3 tickets to something and my husband bought 4 so he doesn’t have to set next to anyone.
avoided the guys with the white uniforms and human sized nets again so yeah it was a decent day
I was bitten by a radioactive spider too and all I got was stomped on
Möther may I have a snäck
The MasterChef judges be like: “I’m so sorry, Jeff. You’ll need to say goodbye to the other contestants (sad)… because you’re going back to your station (yay)… to drop off your apron (sad)…and getting a new one (yay)…that says loser on it.”
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single poor decision in a pub and I’m starting to think this guy isn’t even a real Uber driver.
Going home on lunch breaks is great till you realize that means you have to go to work twice
Just remembered this meme I made back in May of 2020.
Employee: “Wow, you look tired.”
Me: *fires him for harassment*
she has a smile full of sesame seeds
Menopausal women would make great security guards. We are just waiting for someone to piss us off
Science update: dog earwax still tastes bad
“If you could read my mind, love…”
– Gordon Lightfoot“Why the hell would think I’d want that for Christmas?!?”
– my wifeSame