Noted.
PIERRE GASLY WHAT IS THIS ????
there will never be a funnier headline than this one
Spotted the tiniest of cows perched on a fence post today.
I think the English invented raisins as a joke because of their dry sense of humour.
Movies lie. I’ve never woken up in the morning with perfectly coiffed hair and pristine makeup. I always look like Sideshow Bob after a hard night of drinking
I have a degree in graphic design. It’s not real but it’s hard to tell. I definitely did a pretty good job
Taylor Swift: Now we got bad blood.
Lab Technician: Damn it Taylor I told you to refrigerate that!
I said to my 5yo that I thought he was going to help mommy with the shopping and he said “well that would be nice but I don’t really want to” so there’s proof that honesty isn’t always the best policy
[7:00:00am] *opening eyes* today is gonna be a great day!!! 😀
[7:00:01am] wait no
[7:00:02am] hold o—
[7:00:03am] stop
Sorry kids I missed your childhood, I was busy trying to align a picture on Microsoft word
I finished my iced coffee even though all of the ice had melted, so I’m really crushing my water intake today
me making someone eat a chip with my mind
Whenever I get a call from a telemarketer, I just treat them like a free therapist. We can talk about my car’s extended warranty after you figure out why I’m afraid of pralines.