Had a guy message me to tell me no DMs so I didn’t answer his message and then he got upset I didn’t answer his message… and y’all say women are weird.
Possessed by deviled eggs.
Someone call an eggcorcist.
When I first heard the term hang gliding I thought the Americans had invented something even more theatrical than the electric chair.
An interesting development in the Kim <> Kanye saga
Finished stitching this today 😇
doctor: your wife is not responding
husband: is she mad at you
So wait, fruits and nuts are only healthy when they’re not covered in chocolate?
Dieting is bullshit.
If I start learning from my mistakes how will anyone recognize me ?
Do you also get pissed off when you walk into a public restroom and someone else is there and you have to wash your hands? Just me then
The key to a clean house is dim lighting.
Lazy ghosts really expect us to get in the car and travel to a haunted house to see them when they could easily just materialize in our homes. I get it Edith you’re more comfortable in an old Victorian manor never going to get unstuck from between realms if you don’t do the work
“just gonna move this somewhere so i don’t lose it”
famous last (known whereabouts) words
me: there’s more than one way to skin a cat
my friend: w-why do u know that
*sends love letter to boyfriend*
*awaits his reply by mailbox everyday*
*receives text with 👍*
*writes letter to IRS about his tax evasion*
when it’s raining and someone texts you “are we still on for tonight?” and you say “oh, im fine either way, up to you! it’s raining lol” and then they text “okay see you tonight”