found a horse’s reddit account
I’m a go getter.
I don’t let other people ruin my day.
I ruin my day my damn self
The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by dinosaurs.
Are you there, bankrupt business? It’s me, Spirit Halloween.
I open a fancy cigarette case and offer you a stick of beef jerky.
Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis you’re just awake.
whoops accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date
Friend at work gave me some edibles. So I’m taking the train instead of driving.
My suitcase was 1 pound overweight at bag check so i smiled sweetly at the ticket agent to get away with it… Yall that man said “idk what you doing that for… i got all my teeth too” 😂😂😂
What to do when threatened by a bear:
1. Play dead.
2. No longer have to pretend.
When your boss says it’s not a two person job.
the best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello please fill out these forms”
Matthew was born for this.
