Of course I’m a morning person, why do you ask?
Fuck cryptocurrency I want cryptidcurrency
I wanna buy illegal shit off the dark web with pictures of Bigfoot
My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.
“You’re so funny!”
Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.🤘
Cramming a band’s entire discography hours before a show just in case they stop the show and start quizzing me.
It’s time for people to stop being hateful about fat bodies and start being hateful about fat vehicles. I hate SUVs. They look like full diapers squishing down the road, constantly spilling into other lanes. Why do so many people need to drive around in a studio apartment?
in the ocean
“this is the biggest toilet I’ve ever seen”
This is Narla. She was not allowed to go to the park. And now you are not allowed on the couch. 13/10
the perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. preferably siblings. but they can’t both be the same type of stupid. one needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying)
It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”.
I don’t even know where that is.
i dont want to consume AI art for the same reason i dont call up my boys every sunday to watch a conveyor belt quickly and efficiently deliver a football to an endzone
My husband and I take turns unloading the dishwasher, but I usually rerun it or pretend it’s his turn. He does the same, so basically, the dishwasher hasn’t been unloaded in three years.
Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn
anyone else’s big brother text them like an unwilling roadman situationship
