[watching burglar tear apart the house] lmao ur not even close
a robot’s eyes change to red when they go evil because they are in love (with murder)
Ate a moldy blueberry.
Thought of you.
A lot of Future Billionaires are currently in my mentions telling me how wrong I am about crypto (I didn’t really give an opinion either way but they’re HERE TO LET ME KNOW!). Dang boys you’re right. Gonna buy in and start hassling strangers online, this is how we get rich
My daughter is at that age where she’s starting to get bouquets of flowers from boys. I’m at that age where the next time I get flowers, it will be at my funeral.
[olive garden]
HOST: when you’re here you’re family
DAD: brb gonna go grab some cigarettes
I told my daughter she had to donate two toys to the community toy drive and she picked two of her sister’s toys to give away so I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be a CEO someday.
didn’t turn any of my pre-dawn work alarms off bc i thought i needed to panic for no reason on my days off
DOG (watching me stuff my face): Let the Cheez-Its hit the floor. Let the Cheez-Its hit the floor. Let the Cheez-Its hit the–
ME: Ope…
My husband told me today’s Wordle word as soon as I woke up, so he’s up for grabs if anyone’s interested.
My spouse must be the most patient person in the world because he waits for me to come home from my 12-hour workday and cook and serve dinner every single day and only complains most days
Tremendous stuff
Yup!
#CatsOnTwitter
Instesd of avoiding typos, embrance them. No one will pint them out if you spell everythinj wring.