Hike up your waders, it’s time for our village’s annual gravy harvest
I was going to suggest a “moot” button for Twitter, but there doesn’t seem much point now.
Life hack:
Use a pot lid as a shield when cooking bacon with no pants on.
i know exactly how new parents feel, i have three dogs
Nobody said you have to like your colleagues.
But apparently there are some explicit rules about poisoning them.
I really wish they had told me this before I got to the morgue
Sleep is the best thing in the world
(Provided you get the chance to wake up)
Every time my boyfriend and I break up, we get back together for half the length of our previous relationship. My friends say it’s unhealthy, but as a student of mathematics, I know it’s bound to end in a finite amount of time.
I told my 5yo to brush her teeth so she doesn’t get cavities and she responded with, “so what they’re gonna fall out anyways.” I had no comeback to this.
My call has been first in line for nine minutes; I won’t be surprised if the next available representative tells me I have to call a different number.
Just spent 5 minutes scratching my back against a post and now I have the sudden urge to hibernate for winter.
who called it pissing in the woods and not toiletrees
it was easy to be a drug dealer in the 60s because dogs weren’t invented until 1978
Projecting a movie onto my bedroom ceiling turns insomnia into incinema. No YOU shut up!
So nice of you to stop by and visit. You must be very busy with all that (squints at logo on card) child protective servicing you do.