Everyone always tells me I look young for my age, especially since I started telling them that I’m 72
just in case someone hasn’t told you today,
i’m gorgeous.
My Chihuahua every time someone knocks on the door
North Korea is like that annoying kid in high school who was always threatening you with nuclear weapons
My kids refused to eat the leftover tacos.
My wife said to throw them out.
So I did.Now I don’t know what to do with the tacos….
My latest business venture is not-for-profit, apparently.
My husband is blaming the cat for eating all the cookies and putting the empty package back in the cabinet. Ffs🙀
A robot robbed a bank but was caught when it’s battery died..
Police have no plans to charge the suspect.I’m here all week😬
They should change the name from all you can eat pancake breakfast to 4 or 5 pancakes at most
*locks my car while looking suspiciously at a little old white lady*
they told me to make myself at home so i moved their silverware to the more logical drawer
Prayers for my husband, he married one of those “it’s my birthday month” people.
A girl on TikTok just said she is wearing her aunts vintage top from the early 2000’s and I’m dead.
Absence didn’t work what else ya got?
My tapeworm is demanding a series of expensive property repairs. Any landlords able to provide advice?