me: *excitedly* this is my first time taking a train
conductor: *sprinting* GIVE IT BACK
If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people
Am I having a stroke?
if someone had told me corporate was coming today, I would have waxed my mustache
Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house
If I had a hill house I would simply not allow it to be haunted
it’s so sad that aladdin was my favorite movie as a kid and now i can’t even remember the main character’s name
I can think of a few ways to dirty up a bedroom..
*eats a nature valley granola bar on your bed, spills milk on the floor, wipes my face on your pillow*
“I wish there was some kind of drink that would make you feel awake.” I say, just loud enough for my coffee to hear.
Loving would be easy
if your colours were like my dre
“Whoever’s in charge of this music sucks”
This is a funeral. Show some respect.
“Whoever’s in charge of this music sucks, sir.”
Billy Joel’s washing is still wet because he didn’t start the dryer.
I was swindled; step-counting doesn’t include when my memory is jogged
The enemy of my frenemy is my frenenemy
I bought myself some ice skates the other day and went skating today for the first time in about 15 yrs …
I’m returning the skates tomorrow.