Proctologist = Analyst
Me: *wearing a short-sleeved button down with mixed flowers and skulls*
Super old lady at the pharmacy: “You know it’s a SIN to make me covet my neighbor’s blouse!”
Just found some of Moo Deng’s old tweets and woof it’s not looking good
Long day at work, let me decompress by logging on and reading racist tweets by some guy named Wrath of Odysseus
My 9yo: the best teacher name at my school is Ms. Huggies.
Turns out her name is Ms. Hughes, but I’m gonna let that one ride for a while.
My dad was diagnosed with ornamental iron deficiency. He’s supposed to lick a metal handrail twice a day. I honestly feel doctors are just making things up.
imagine asking a blind girl out in braille & she leave you on felt
Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.
mr sandman / bring me some beans
(bum bum bum bum)
I’ll take some refried, lima, pinto, or green
i could never be hannah montana because i would take one hit of a joint at a party, turn to the person closest to me, and immediately go “i neeeeeeed to tell u something”
Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.
Heck of a week to be a 50-year-old journalist working with people in their 20s when the news has been about pagers and now Tupperware.
Reset password
‘SevenDays’
Your password is week
Saw this yesterday lol
