this sign has the same social anxiety i have
Body: it’s sleepy time.
Brain: it’s thinky time.
The fastest mammal on earth is me when I’m retweeting your typo tweet.
Sure, I’ll come to your party
*hangs out with the Roomba when I see they have no pets
I picked my nephew up from daycare today, Mind you, he’s biracial but looks like a white kid. They asked him if he knew who I was and why did this man look me dead in my face and say he didn’t know me…
Had them people ready to call the cops on me.
Difference between GPT-4o and o1. 😁
My son says he doesn’t like being born on December 31st coz it takes too long to get to his next birthday. I tried explaining to him that it’s the same for everyone, but part of me kind of got what he was saying.
Sometimes I read the stupidest shit in here then realize I wrote it
Last night I watched a pirated movie. On a scale of 1-10 I’d have to give it 3.14159265359
u can always tell when a man is dating someone new. why you going to aquarium and griffith observatory
My doctor says I’ve got to give up poorly thought out fruit-based jokes.
I was peachless when he told me.
I ate a bag of Doritos and immediately followed it with half a giant bag of gummy bears and surprisingly enough I do not feel good now
Is no one else a little relieved the affair was with a person
Buying houses is mental
Buy a car or a bag of chips, the price is defined
Buy a house, you have to guess how much the owner wants
Not allowed to speak to the owner
Instead you have to go via a 19 year old, in a Mini, who doesn’t live there and wants you to pay over the odds
Today the vet told me “you have a really good dog” and I said I know she’s perfect and holds my mental health on her little shoulders and she laughed nervously and said “oh no, that’s pretty heavy” and i was like damn dude, ok??? you can tell, huh? Alright calm down lol geez