Things drunk me has in common with toddlers:
– no idea where my shoe is
– demands McDonalds
– won’t shut up about dinosaurs
– not allowed to have a whistle
Whoever made this compilation of Mel Blanc screaming in different cartoons is a saint.
This week’s mood.
I need a man who talks as fast as Kevin Hart. I got shit to do.
me: *looking down from a roof* a ladder would only slow me down now
“Your optimism for the future makes me think you’re not paying attention.”
My mum: It’s a baby shower. Just write “congratulations”.
Why Are My Nails Dirty When I Live Inside and Watch TV?
-a memoir
(saying something slightly ambiguous on the internet) ah i could’ve phrased that better but i’ll probably get the benefit of the doubt from thousands of strangers who only come here to get pissed off
a herd of people is called a crowd but a crowd full of introverts is called Les Misérables
In-laws are coming over for lunch, which leaves me just enough time to buy a better house, master a new career and develop a less antagonistic personality. Wish me luck!
I’d hire this kid in 10 years.
I bet you’re wondering why I pulled you over
no, babe. i haven’t seen your glasses.
It may only be 9:15am, but I already hit my step goal for today because my mother-in-law is here and I keep leaving every room she enters
Secret hideout busted…🐈🐾😂😂