A Scottish vampire aka a McMorbius
*3 running a brush through my hair*
3: I’m making your hair pretty
Me: Thank you
3: instead of so ugly
Me:
I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s
Nobody:
Every chicken recipe: PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME
every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun
“This has got to be the most boring reality show concept of all ti… wait, did they say TORNADO?”
– Me, totally not getting The Weather Channel
i think my idea of romance stems from 1957, when men were men and women leaned seductively against juke boxes
I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the tv to get a clearer picture.
If I ever get trampled to death by a herd of cattle I want my obituary to say I was pasturized. Thanks.
You’re old you get aroused by commercials about non-slip winter footwear
the legend of bigfoot and the bodacious badonkadonk
me and my fake scenarios
Me- We are here for some new pants for you. Please go and find a pair that you like and will wear
11- Ok
Me- *Waiting*
11- *Searches entire clothing section, returns and hands me a hat
i was just violently air drumming with the blinds open and i looked outside and my amazon delivery driver was playing air guitar
That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless