If you want to go on a wild adventure then just let your kid make up the rules for a board game
I can’t stop watching this video 😂😂😂
My mom making me come say hi to somebody I “knew” as a baby
how high up are we talkin’?
my dog: shlop, shlop
me: don’t drink too fast you’ll get sick
my dog: SHLOPSHLOPSHLOPSHLOP
Think you’re a tough guy?
Go eat a package of Oreos in the middle of a crowded gym.
My toxic trait is checking my phone at 3am like there’s going to be something good waiting there.
they advertised mcmuffins for only a buck
You’re like a gym membership.
You seem like a good idea but I’ll lose interest in a month.
I exercise by keeping the whisky bottle on the far side of the room.
breakfast, the most important beer of the day
Re: recent conversation about which of your cats is the convicted felon
“how come you never post me?” i only post jokes on here babe and you not a joke to me
can y’all stop breaking each others hearts, the gym is getting too packed
What’s your standard response when you’re using a public restroom and someone knocks on the door? Because I just knocked on one and the person inside simply KNOCKED BACK. This feels like a game changer.