Is not cake Is cake
But IS cake But is NOT cake
sorry I can’t come to work today, my dog finally caught a bird this morning and I’m going to need the next 2-6 weeks to emotionally recover
After a Scrabble victory, I clear the board immediately so the Scrabble gods don’t think I’m gloating.
What’s the difference between a a camera and a sock?
A camera takes photos,
a sock takes 5 toes.#SockDay #SundayVibes #RubbishJokes
I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted
George Washington died in 1799. The first Dinosaur fossil was discovered in 1824. George Washington never even knew Jurassic Park existed.
popsicle not seeing heaven 😭
Sometimes I swear I’m reading a post about a reliable used car and the whole time it’s a man wishing his wife a happy anniversary
Ironic
when I put “???” In a conversation, this is exactly my face behind the phone lol
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT IN THE TWEET BELOW
what do you want to eat?
what are you in the mood for?
i don’t miss calls i stare at them
Some of my friends are discussing why Harrison Ford is still playing Indiana Jones but honestly, having an 80-year-old professor not retire is like the most accurate part of the franchise
*6 missed calls*
*5 missed facetime*
*8 unread messages*