i’m boycotting girl scout cookies until they’re honest enough to list the serving size as “sleeve”
PMS: Hey, I’m not going to be coming around much anymore
ME: Yay!
PMS: Hold up
ME: What?
PMS: You’re on your way to going through the change
ME: Ahh, I’m finally going to become a butterfly
Two boys in Madagascar scratch the back of a habituated lemur
(Via National Geographic)
Dealing with your ex before driving across town in traffic is great for the blood pressure…
This made me smile to an unreasonable degree 😂
In gangster movies they “know a guy” for every dirty job, yet I can’t find a single rando to fill in for Tuesday softball
Dance like you know what you’re supposed to do with your arms while dancing
Gandalf: Frodo, you have the fortitude to carry the ring and resist its power.
Frodo: *puts the ring on twice in one hour*
Gandalf: ffs
I see it’s garbage day on twitter again.
Can I get a refund on my kid? This one smiles and makes direct eye contact while she does exactly what I told her NOT to do.
“He has no self control!” I mutter angrily as I try to sneak an oreo and realize my husband already finished them
My kid fell asleep in the car holding his half-eaten donut, so I did the responsible thing and finished it for him
My son just let a girl “borrow” his hoodie.
Should I tell him now or let him learn?
Australia’s reputation for dangerous wildlife is exaggerated.
Statistics show that 43% of Australians actually escape being eaten and survive to adulthood.