Explaining to my wife that she should induce labor now so our son will be the first kid named Cybertruck.
When I bought a new carpet my dog become a shark
As a doctor, I can confirm
I told my therapist I was upset she raised her rates again and she said that while I can’t control the situation, I can do something to control my reaction.
Now this is my first time cooking poisonous blowfish, so go easy on me.
God tier horse name today on the sims
Calm down shouty man. I didn’t “tell” my toddler to throw chicken nuggets at joggers. She did it herself.
Someone just called country music ‘farm emo’ and I’m dying
Oh good, I was hoping for a terrifying, fungus-related dystopian nightmare today
Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve hardly touched your Wallace and Gromelette.
OP deleted but I saved my stupid joke for posterity anyway
