Who let the owls out WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO
If I give out nudes now, it’s extremely unfair to the nudes I didn’t give out before.
For a place called a “holding cell” people sure hate to cuddle.
Me: So are we putting the soy milk with an expiration date of October 31, 2021 back in the fridge or…
Wife: No it’s ok it’s only the ‘best by’ date
It’s almost like those two bowls of chili made me sleepy
my wife went to Costco 3 hours ago and now she’s ignoring my calls. this can’t be a good sign.
You ever think someone is breaking into your house and then realize oh, it’s just the clothes in the washer I started 5 minutes ago.
Why did David Hasselhoff change his name to The Hoff?
It was less hassle.
culinary school students be like “bruh i got spaghetti due at midnight 😰”
netflix is definitely the most insecure of all the streaming services like be chill bb.
Life was once a string of awkward silences but then I got a kazoo
Meet coffee….
This was my hot friend I was telling you about.
I wonder if somewhere there’s a seal colony that likes listening to a singer named Human.
having a king is going to take some getting used to. we’re used to our monarch moving as far as they want in any direction but now it’s just one square at a time. much higher chance of being killed by a horse
Solving a traffic jam