guy about to invent the cheese grater: you know what I hate? knuckles.
My old WiFi name used to be BoratVoiceMyWifi but I’ve since matured
Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.
twice now the building diva has stormed off angrily after i spoke up in defense of myself, she gets one more, then i unhinge my jaw and finish her.
OK I watch a lot of Dateline BUT: like 80% of the murders happen in small towns and the episode starts with someone saying “things like this don’t happen in small towns.”
Like – lady, watch Dateline 🤷♀️
Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.
i wonder if the inventor of rotisserie chicken is turning in his grave
Me: I can’t sleep
My cat: lol what if I walked all over you right now
Architect: so for the bathroom-
Contractor: I’m thinking the most smooth, slippery tile imaginable
Architect: hell ya we want that baby to be a death trap
photographer: alright guys, now let’s do a silly one
I am never leaving this website
Enjoy this video of ducks changing their minds
Just remembered when my high school changed the dress code to forbid “non-human-colored hair,” and this girl showed up with neon-pink braids the next day, and when they tried to send her home her mom said “I’m her colorist and I am in fact human.”