I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ug-ly 😭😂
Therapist: You saw the red flags though. right?
Me: I thought it was a carnival
“don’t tell your girl”
me to my girl : and she said i shouldn’t tell you imagine
just overheard a guy walk into the bathroom and say “showtime” to himself as he sat down on the toilet
i be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb
instead of texting “on my way” im a just send this
The new Call of Duty physics got us distracted… 😅
i be like “i’m fine” then shake my leg 200mph
The fact that dudes go on a diet but they call it “biohacking” is so funny to me.
Like if men started knitting they would call it “hyper threading” or “powertangling” or some shit
Remembering this really good dating app interaction from Portugal
me when someone doesn’t believe me and they google it and see I’m right
When your workplace is in chaos but your shift ended 6 seconds ago
Volkswagen Italy, please never change your Instagram handle.
Mom: “Don’t wind the dog up”
Me:
Meow
