Calm down shouty man. I didn’t “tell” my toddler to throw chicken nuggets at joggers. She did it herself.
Someone just called country music ‘farm emo’ and I’m dying
Oh good, I was hoping for a terrifying, fungus-related dystopian nightmare today
Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve hardly touched your Wallace and Gromelette.
OP deleted but I saved my stupid joke for posterity anyway
I’m bout to start telling people “land your plane” when they’re talking in circles..
Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.
😭😭😭😭
“your password is too weak” just wait until you see my impulse control
beat teen pregnancy and with the current dating market it looks like i might beat adult pregnancy too
I’ve decided to become a huge sellout and abandon my core values for cheap cash. Who want to buy my values?
…Anybody?
Hmmm… I thought this would be easier.
Blocked everyone who wouldn’t be invited to my funeral so if you see this, what dish are you bringing to the wake?