anyone else’s big brother text them like an unwilling roadman situationship
merriam-webster followed and then unfollowed me. not very definitive of them
My kid invented a game but told me it was too complicated and I wouldn’t understand. Reader, he is throwing a stuffed animal repeatedly in the air and catching it
Me going back to a library branch I used to work at to pick something up
Good morning.
New word: Biscgret.
Meaning: The feeling when someone offers you a biscuit and you refuse, and you spend the rest of your time with them secretly wishing you’d accepted the biscuit.
you gotta separate the art from the artist. like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks
Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train
It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy
I have some bad news about people who work in offices
when i worked in an office i had an ’emergency google sheet’ that i kept open in a tab all day and if my boss walked by i’d switch to it from twitter and enter 69s and 420s in its cells with a look of great seriousness on my face
if 5 random white ppl come up to me & tell me they are imagine dragons im gonna have no choice but to believe them
I know that I’m tall and pale and round, but there’s no need to call for the Ghostbusters and scream that Stay Puft is attacking the city again
“Hi, I’d like to ask a question.”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“Actually, first I’d like to make a statement.”
“Sorry, this is the questions desk. You’ll need to take that to the statements desk.”
“Uh-huh and where’s that?”
“Not sure. I’d say ask them, but they don’t take questions.”
There was a frozen piece of salmon at the bottom of my fridge I tried to cook after seasoning but I’m realizing this is a mango
