Signatures as a form of legal identification purely theatre at this point. You’re telling me I can make pretty much whatever squiggly line I want on this piece of paper and now I control my father’s pesticide company? Grow up.
You can get out of a TSA pat-down much faster if you keep whispering the word “slower” in the agent’s ear.
18: Who’s saved in your phone as No?
Me: Like 10 different people, let’s just work on minding our own business.
Gwyneth Paltrow I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan
can we all find some common ground and just agree that if anything should be illegal it’s 1ply toilet paper
My grandpa would be 97 today if he hadn’t double-crossed me
instead of being able to object at weddings we should be able to object at nursing school graduations
What makes us human?
Selecting all images with traffic lights
All I’m saying is, maybe the designers of this statue could have worked a little harder to find an inspiring Rod Serling quote.
Free on bail. Time to pay some meddling kids a visit.
The girl I’m babysitting doesn’t know that for tonight I’m allowed to let her watch as many Bluey episodes as she wants so she keeps asking for “one more.” And I get to be a benevolent god who gives her another. It’s a real thrill for both of us.
Remember candidates for class president making promises for things they would have no power to implement? Just like real presidential candidates.
airing out the snack pack
