they’re doing a new version of hot ones. it’s called “savory ones”. as the interview goes on the guest is forced to eat increasingly sumptuous food items. “oh my this is just delectable” they will say at the end, sweating and crying.
Thank you Ortega, these tacos are gonna rock
the lamestream media wants you to call them “pigeons”. but CRIME BIRDS are terrorizing our cities: stealing wifi, causing sunspots, downloading cars
i was dropped as an adult
“Who’s the new guy?”
“We’ll explain later.”
“But-“
“Just look at the camera, Steve.”
I heard God is testing both of us at the same time wanna hang out
I’ve traveled all around America and one of the craziest things to me is just how many places it’s perfectly normal for adult men to pretend to be cowboys
“I’m playing chess while you’re playing checkers” wrong. I’m playing a third game I just made up and it’s called jumpy circles
I didn’t know they can drive…
grandpa said he didn’t want a fuss
Interviewer: Can you explain this 5-year gap on your resume?
Me: That’s when I didn’t have a job. Do you not know how resumes work?
The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.
sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do
