In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real
mechanic: the replacement part is gonna cost $1200
me: *did research and knows the average price is $300 so I should go somewhere else* okay
Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny tweets before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.
The first charcuterie board was just improvisation by some dude who didn’t have enough snack bowls.
Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.
I am patiently waiting for your email
Angry like someone who’s gone three straight spoonfuls of raisin bran without getting a raisin.
HR Manager: “Tis the Season” or not you can’t be drinking rum and eggnog at work
heck is a place for people who don’t believe in gosh. danged for eternity.
just saw hunger games and woah, when did all that stuff happen? so messed up dude
People with good posture are so reckless. Why are you sticking your head into the sky with all the crows and frisbees? Come back down here where it’s safe.
*looks at phone to check the time
*watches TikTok videos for 4 hours
Using my new fishing technique I have taunted all the fish in the pond that if they weren’t stupid dumb cowards they would come on land and fight me. Now, we wait.
My 13yo son pays monthly for Snapchat+ so he can get a better Bitmoji and I would probably make fun of this if I hadn’t previously paid for Favstar
First Date RED FLAGS:
He brings a bottle of his mom’s perfume and asks you to put some on