i’m a 44 y/o man that can’t pretend anymore wtf is a timothee chalamet
You fight a boss in a video game and it’s “acceptable,” but you fight your boss at your job and it’s “termination” and “likely a lawsuit.”
True friends know where you keep the blank check for your bail.
The only equipped I am is ill.
That cute little run women do when they’re wearing heels and dresses remind me of that time I almost pooped my pants
I keep a knife & cream cheese in my pockets in case i’m attacked by somebody with a plain bagel
Marriage is pretty great except for the part where you have to learn how to read minds.
can’t a woman breastfeed their 6yo without a celestial monk creeping on them?
If you walk into a Waffle House at any time and everyone in there is sober, there’s a small chance you’re the target of a police sting.
Ladies, if you’re looking for romance, now is the time of year to move to a small town in order to save your grandfather’s business from the guy who also happens to secretly be the love of your life
My doctor just finished my physical and then crossed out “organ donor” from my driver‘s license?
still processing the fact the US government was like yeah, aliens are real and coming more and more often, and we were all like listen it’s been a hard year lol and then we just didn’t talk about it again
Scenes around 10 Downing Street tonight 😅 Congratulations England, richly deserved 👏🏽🏆 #PAKvENG #T20WorldCupFinal
I’m 20, my face is 18, my voice is 16, my back is 60 🥲.
Kevin Hart 🤣🤣🤣
