Cthulhu is just the sound I make when I’m trying to reply to the dentist.
how to screw with your cat’s head 101
3yo and I were in a store & she pointed at a toy purse shouting ‘I want a pretty pursey!’ but her ‘r’s’ aren’t well pronounced so I never went back to that store again
I knock on the refrigerator door before opening it, just in case there’s a salad dressing in there.
You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not a bowl of mashed potatoes.
Suddenly your entire body starts to vibrate. To your horror you realize it’s vibrating to the melody of the Benny Hill theme. This goes on for 2 hours, then it stops.
‘That’s enough punishment for now’, I whisper to myself, and put away the kazoodoo doll…
We all have that one friend who likes to play wrestle and then gets mad when you punch them in the mouth.
I’m currently in between meals and not very happy about it
My autistic son just referred to my pellet grill as an outside oven.
I’m proud of him and incredibly insulted at the same time.
stopping the microwave at 0:01 is the closest I’ve come to being in a Michael Bay movie.
Me too, bag. Me too….
Just ran into my therapist and she didn’t recognize me and I’m not sure who I’m supposed to talk to about this
“Nom nom nom”
– annoying people that apparently don’t understand how to chew food
As the Lord intended
Cooking is kind of strange, conceptually. Who took the first slab of meat and said “we better put fire under this for 15 minutes so we don’t die”