Below Deck sounds like a way of discreetly describing a condition to my doc
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
I’ve reached the age where that spot on my arm could either be a questionable mole or dried nacho cheese.
Threw some hot dogs and a velociraptor egg into my shake this morning, I’m ready to take on the world.
When things are getting tough, I ask myself, “What would Jesus do?”, then I hide in a cave for three days
Not enough things are decided by potato sack races anymore.
My roomba on charge after cleaning up after 2 kids and 2 dogs.
Who the hell named it a ” Crop-Top ” and not a ” T-short “?
Friend: “Send me that picture we took last night, we probably look so good!”
The picture:
Excuse me, the movie Inception, you’re gonna tell me you had like 10 people jumping between levels of everyone’s subconscious and yet there were ZERO sex dreams? Uhhhh that’s a damn plothole my guy!!!!
Relationship status:
I’ve put my ear hair in braids.
Get at me.
Somebody’s lying.
I used to be one of these chefs who always swore and shouted until I discovered oven mitts.
#ChefDay #RubbishJokes
Me: *Living in the US for 18 years*
Me: *Calls mom in India everyday 9PM*
Mom: *Everyday* What time is it there?
Last week a friend told me she’s looking forward to her toddler turning 3 because she’s tired of the defiant stage. I’m still laughing.