What have you done…🐈🐾🥴
Sound On..🔊🆙
When you need to go shopping but have to Kill Bill first.
Soooo….. This what yall be doing huh🤣 🤣
How to wake up a Beagle
one time on mushrooms i decided i should be living off nuts & seeds like a little squirrel, so I went to Whole Foods and blew my whole paycheck on nuts & seeds. then all week I had no money and DID have to live off nuts & seeds, and let me tell you I WAS SO WRONG. it sucked
how tf does a online class run out of seats when the seats not real 🤦🏾♂️
I hired a nanny to watch my kids. Little did she know they were just two sacks of potatoes. When I got home I accused her of witchcraft.
Breaking News:
I did 3/16th of a complete push-up
oh shit
[During acupuncture]
Voodoo doll: OWWWWWWCH
Summer Camp: we need you to send some info
My wife: don’t you have it from last year?
SC: probably, but we want it again
MW: ok
SC: by fax
MW: but why w-
SC: and in cuneiform
MW: are you s-
SC: and can you place insurance cards face up and face down on the form at the same time?
Me: No one told me raising a baby would be sooo hard 😰
My baby:
Got some shoes from a drug dealer , I don’t know what he laced them with coz I’ve been tripping all day.
Instead of a pre-workout protein shake I have mashed potatoes and gravy, and instead of working out I have mashed potatoes and gravy.
Spent the last 10 minutes trying to kill a false eyelash on the pillow that high me didn’t take off last night