me when the shower won’t work: is this you craig or do I have to call a plumber?
the guy who haunts my house that I have a good relationship with: not me dawg
A tattoo artist wants to practice doing chrome tattoos so I’m letting her give me a chrome tattoo for free tomorrow. I’m sure it will be fine
i’m really proud of how brave i was at a haunted house last week. it makes me think maybe i should pursue my fantasy of being a war photographer
I watched the movie, Trolls, with my kids and was really surprised that I didn’t see a lot of these Twitter accounts
Me at my 225th rodeo:
“What the hell is going on?”
I found a doctor online and I was happy because I could sign up for an appointment without contacting anybody. Since 3:15pm yesterday, I have received 13 contacts from them for today’s appointment.
Halloween candy is more expensive than the drugs they said people hid in them
Why are there so many questions these days… you go to get money out the atm and its like 17 questions… just give me my money you damn nosy machine
Produce goes bad three times faster when you’re the one who paid for it. It’s science!
Such a beautiful day I chose to walk instead of the bus. Job interview can start without me.
Grew big
The BMI chart says that for my height I should weigh 160 lbs.
My skeleton weighs 160 lbs.
The perfect Venn diagram doesn’t exis-
