If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.
it’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months
here we go again
Did we do it, did we save the daylight
Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.
if i text u “🪗” it means u better start acting accordingly
My eggs wouldn’t ring up at the store and the cashier (an older Black man) said “it’s your lucky day!” And put them in my bag for free because “I ain’t calling that manager over here cuz I don’t like him. I’m old enough to be his father and I ain’t going back and forth with him”
reality dating shows are fun because they let you see what psych experiments were like before everyone had to get approval from ethics boards
grampa: why are u always on ur phone
me: why didn’t u stop hitler
“Dave, don’t, he ain’t worth it bro”
Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board…
Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.
The universe isn’t working so I’m going to turn it off and back on again. You will cease to exist for a few minutes. I apologize for the inconvenience.
The massive row between me and my wife at her cousin’s wedding was actually staged because I needed to leave early for a work thing, and she wanted to get back at her cousin for getting engaged at our wedding.
in 3 months
