[Studying for his history test]
10: I wish I was born in the 1800s
Me: Why?
10: I’d have less history to learn
So creative 😂
ME: [staring off into distance]
HER: what’s wrong?
M: nothing
H: talk to me
M: it’s just…that bus in Speed would’ve never made that jump
no cat here
I love the difference between dog and cat rescue stories. dog owners will be like oh I prepped for months and applied and had a home check then did a foster to adopt trial period and then the rescue chose me! and cat owners are like .. I found him in the trash
being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the titanic except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad
My bank called me as it received an alert for unusual activity. I was buying fruit.
I have fired anyone at the company who has asked about the loud crying coming from my office
Can someone please explain to me how we got to this point in Indian dramas?
sliding into dms like
How dare you with another bird…😏😂🦜
According to the conductor, the train I’m currently on is going backwards to the previous station to “get a running start” up a hill, which feels like an idea I’d have if I was in charge of a train.
at its core, Harry Potter is a beautiful story about the value of having a hot mom
oh my gosh!!
BOSS: you’re an hour late
GUY WHO’S ABOUT TO INVENT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: oh you haven’t heard?