Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.
Let us remember him by his own last words: “Homemade jetpack, don’t fail me now.”
Oh no Moo Deng noo!!
“I’m 59 but have a biological age of 21” sorry if you are 59 your biological age is 59 because you are 59 years old
Everything becomes normal eventually. Think of the most beautiful spot on earth, the place you would give your left arm to see just once before you die. There’s a tour guide who works there, and he wakes up every morning thinking, “Oh god, not this shit again.”
Don’t beat an alive horse either.
How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo
😂🐈⬛
don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. it took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels
I accidentally hit a parked car so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”
I wish I was as confident as my 15 yo who says he showered even though he smells like onions and rotten taco bell.
Roses are red.
Birds sometimes vanish.
life is over at 7. no more endless playtime, no more baby food, forced to go to school, and you cant even throw tantrums anymore. at that point you should just give up
respect
