Maybe I’m the problem..
Nvm that don’t even sound right
“wya?” my limit bro. i’m at my limit
going to work so embarrassing, letting everybody know you need money
Dropped my son off at middle school this morning dressed as a bottle of ranch dressing and couldn’t help but notice everyone else was dressed as regular middle school kids
absolutlely despise when a recipe tells me to add 2 cups of onion. they don’t come in cups. they come in onions
Husband: It’s so weird that the kids didn’t get any Twix or Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups for Halloween.
Me: *wipes the chocolate from my mouth* So weird.
Well, this explains it:
I just screenshot my blue check and made it my banner. That was easy. And free 😂
Red Skull’s name is pretty on-the-nose. How did his parents know.
[starship battle]
CAPTAIN: We’re outgunned! Our only hope is to hide in that nebulaENSIGN WHOSE JOB IS CLEANING NEBULA GUNK OFF THE HULL: what if instead we made peace with our inevitable deaths?
Before you contemplate starting an argument with me just know I’ll be removing my pants and underwear for maximum effect.
reverse girlcow, because i’m drunk.
Don’t charge people for Twitter itself but charge them every time they tweet
Would stop most of the arguments on here. No way am I spending money debating with Loves_2_Spooge69 on why Spider-man having an extra line on his mask in NWH is ok.
Halloween is the only day of the year I can be myself.
*flies away with my broom*
Imagine dating, falling in love, getting married, having kids, and only then realizing that the person you chose is literally incapable of whispering