I’m willing to pay more for a powerful banh mi.
Just saw a sign in a car saying “Baby On Board”
That’s no way to run a business, is it?
Presumably it’s a non-executive role.
Bro is the definition of a new yorker 😭 😭
Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.
Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it
My kid convinced my husband to get her trail mix without the nuts and the dried fruit, so I confiscated the bag of m&ms and ate them myself
*gets up from couch after laying on it with eyes closed for 30 minutes*
Me: I’m going to take a nap.
Husband: Wasn’t that just what you were doing?
Me: That was a pre-nap. Time for the real thing.
Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet 💯
Five minutes before my break:
“Hi, I need some computer help. I need to sign into this website but to do that I need to get into my email and I don’t know any of the passwords and also I lost my phone but I assume that won’t be a problem.”
“Friday the 13th sent you, didn’t it?”
I forgot my glasses at home so for my next trick I shall attempt this work report blindfolded!
The best years of my life were ages 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, and 31.
I was in my prime.
I am so sick of seeing “IYKYK”
I never know, just tell me
