Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?
Glasses
Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now. 🫶🏽🫶🏽
Thank you 🥹
If you leave your trash cans out all week you’ll always be the first to have them at the curb
*pointing at menu* this is nutrient free right? does this come nutrient free?
if you watch Friday the 13th part 3 backwards, a hockey goalie heals murder victims by walking away from them.
“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” is my favourite song about wanting to slap someone if they did that.
Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial.
They have free will.
Last night at dusk we were playing outside and my 4yo was pretending to direct traffic as cars went by. A woman rolled down her window and very kindly said “thanks for your help!” and my 4yo, completely seriously goes “you’re welcome. You need to turn on your headlights.”
Me: See that guy right there? I met him in the 6th grade.
10: When there were dinosaurs?
Help
