Everything becomes normal eventually. Think of the most beautiful spot on earth, the place you would give your left arm to see just once before you die. There’s a tour guide who works there, and he wakes up every morning thinking, “Oh god, not this shit again.”
Don’t beat an alive horse either.
How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo
😂🐈⬛
don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. it took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels
I accidentally hit a parked car so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”
I wish I was as confident as my 15 yo who says he showered even though he smells like onions and rotten taco bell.
Roses are red.
Birds sometimes vanish.
life is over at 7. no more endless playtime, no more baby food, forced to go to school, and you cant even throw tantrums anymore. at that point you should just give up
respect
Me to the bartender: When you asked me if I wouldn’t mind some head I thought you meant…
Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes get a piano
they say if you lose one of your senses the others become heightened like for instance i lost my sense of humor in a boating accident but now my sense of style is so on point i can tell when someone’s wearing white after labor day just by looking at them
I get a bunch of targeted ads asking me to donate my sperm. and I’m down as long as they don’t use it for making babies.
