Maybe the smartest thing I’ve ever done in my life is give the Democratic party a fake phone number every time i donate
Good luck finding a wedding photo better than this
if you want to gamble on sports you should have to go to a little room across town and talk to a stinky little man. there should be an aura of griminess about it. you should not be able to do gambling on your phone
Just a small bowl of cereal to take the edge off.
*grabs mixing bowl*
Go gym
idk why doctors only give stickers to kids?
like hello i was also brave today
do you think crabs are self-conscious about walking sideways everywhere or do they think everyone else has the problem
Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control
it takes so much energy
I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather but mostly because of the running.
What’s the best registration plate you’ve seen?
my mom decorated the apartments for the cats
Remember in the early days of the internet, when you’d go on chat rooms and it was just a scrolling screen of strangers yelling random things? It’s amazing how much has changed since then
Me: “I’m going to the gym.”
The gym:
