kids today are like “so what did y’all do before the internet? did you just not know anything?” and the answer is yes. you would ask your aunt Marge a question, she’d give you the wrong answer and you’d carry that misinformation for twenty years.
Everytime someone says that token sentence “let me know if I can do anything for you” praying you don’t ask, ask for a mortgage payment.
Why did they call it a parish and not a priestcinct?
Someone with the profile description “I’m a human worker” just followed me…
Not today Satan.
Not today.
never ask a starfish for directions
My teen can’t seem to make her own bowl of cereal, but she can make a Tik Tok recipe with 17 ingredients.
Imagine living in Canada and riding a moose everywhere you go
Can you guys make me famous? I’m tired of being a meaningful contributor to society.
Home improvement
but it’s just me replacing the metal tubes in the neighbor’s wind chimes with tampons.
If you steal my identity you better believe that it comes with 4 kids.
my toxic trait is saying to myself “it’s only $20” 1500 times a week
Me: When I walk into the room everyone hisses at me
Therapist: How does that make you feel?
Me: Like filling my house with vipers was less awesome than I’d imagined
🤣🤣🤣😆 Easy assemble?
Life of an Editor:
I just sat here for a good minute or so going, “Goatfully? That can’t be it. What’s the word I’m looking for? STOP saying ‘goatfully,’ brain!”
It was “sheepishly,” folks.