Someone stole the C and L off my work besties door, which I guess was probably pretty predictable in hindsight…
incredible google review i just found
Most Common Source of Electricity
I have been told to stop stealing muffins from the bakery. Unfortunately, it’s the only way to keep my lucrative muffin stand in business. Everyone is fine with this.
You were the one.
when a toddler tells a story
instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws i’ve decided to become more self-absorbed
I love when a chef refers to themself as “fearless.” Like, are those figs on that sandwich? Calm down, Napoleon
shouting “corner!” and “behind!” while heating up cup noodles in the office break room
Some people say the key to a successful marriage is communication, but it’s actually keeping your mouth shut when they send you anything from the Internet that you already saw two weeks ago.