Netflix is doing a new show about a “psychic” who specializes in reading famous people. Y’know, the folks who do in-depth interviews and reality TV shows and write autobiographies.
“We never met, but somehow, he knew everything about me!”
Gee, how does he do it. So amazing.
Accidentally ruined my 9yo’s entire life because I said “toilet” too loud in a public place.
If your 78 year old grandpa called his new girlfriend a free spirit, you’d change all his passwords.
Sorry but I’m not taking lessons in communication from a baby
Me: [smiling]
Phone: face not recognized
Me: [stuffing my mouth with tacos]
Phone: oh there you are
We just upgraded our iPhones so now I’ll be able to do the exact same things I did with my old phone but for an extra $23 a month.
Only you can prevent podcasts
The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.
Wow planes really have bad luck on that day
Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.
I’m willing to pay more for a powerful banh mi.
Just saw a sign in a car saying “Baby On Board”
That’s no way to run a business, is it?
Presumably it’s a non-executive role.
Bro is the definition of a new yorker 😭 😭
Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.
