if you become a ghost, don’t limit yourself to haunting houses. be the first to haunt a jellyfish exhibit! make a tulip your home and startle a bee. haunt a ball of yarn, get knit into a sweater. remember: it’s your soul that’s eternally damned, NOT your sense of style
Livid.
nothing turns on a necrophiliac detective like cold, hard evidence
To the person who left the green Tupperware in the fridge, it was last seen moving down the hall towards the elevator.
To the person who left the green Tupperware in the fridge, it was last seen moving down the hall towards the elevator.
I have never been more inspired by anything than this work of art
*receives a monthly bill*
didn’t i just pay this last month??
OKAY DAD
my mom: you still coming over today?
me: definitely
mom: great I have a few things from IKEA for you to put tog—
me: i cant make it
It has come to my attention that I may be the only person in the world that keeps gloves in my glove box.
Pretty sure my cold is trying to seduce me. I sneezed and my bra unsnapped.
This woodpecker needs to switch to decaf.
If you’re feeling jealous because someone you know is posting photos of an amazing vacation that you could never afford, remember this: Now is an excellent time to break into their home and steal stuff.
INVENTOR OF THE CEMETERY: what if I told you there was a legal way to hide a dead body
“where do you see yourself in-“
i’m just tryna make it through the day bro
